white chalk in hand









markers made of chains

from necklaces of long ago

one-legged balance

up and back

don’t step on a crack

pause for a pick-up of success thrown

propelling you forward

to the end

the goal attained

only to repeat

all over again

© mutteringheart

It was summer long ago, when I would stay out till the lights came on all along the streets, hopping up one way then down the other on the hopscotch drawn on the sidewalk in front of our home.  Playing game after game with my friends until their mothers called them home for dinner.

I would stay outside until the light from the front porch was no match for the darkness that would beset upon my joy.  Until I could not see straight to throw that piece of chain I had, trying hard to make it inside each square without touching the lines.  I would then reluctantly go inside, always desiring to be out.  Dreaming of the next day and how I would master my aim.  Playing the game all over again, and again, and again.

I loved playing hopscotch!

Posted in Memories, Poetry | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

“Thieves” A True Story


So, I just finished reading this amazing book by Trey Smith, “Thieves,” a true story about one dirty TV pastor and the man who robbed him.  This is more of an adult read.  It is a story of spiritual growth, searching for the truth of life, while on the wrong path…  which leads to the right path in the end.  It is a story of struggling between lies and truth.  It is in my mind, a story of strength.

Strength to overcome addictions, anger, hurt, and the church.

Strength that comes when you have confessed all your sins so boldly that those who want to keep you bound cannot, because you are free by the forgiveness obtained through confession.  Free from those that believe themselves to be your “spiritual authority” and how dare you say otherwise.  So corrupt, are they, that they lie and promise good from God and His blessing in your life if you will only send your “seed money” to “said figure” and if you don’t then your faith is questioned.  Once you confess, there are no more dirty deeds to be exposed by the corrupt evil evangelist to hold over a person’s head, trying to control and suppress.

It is a story of the abuse that is rampant in a corrupt ministry and how this celebrity televangelist, Mike Murdoch, tries to rule other people by threats.  Thinking himself so far above congregants, so much so, that he even mocks congregants to their face and call them “stupid sheep” for trusting in the coercion of him as a leader.  Knowingly stealing from others, by again, hawking Jesus for his own gain and never intending to help those who are truly in need.

Once one has that Love that casts out all fear, then that one can move mountains!

I believe Trey Smith has just moved a mountain and through his story can help others to move mountains, too.

Excerpt from Trey’s book:

“Well, sure.”  He nodded.  “maybe you went through every one of those things so that you could learn exactly what you don’t want in your life.  Sometimes it is the very ugliest of situations that are precisely the ones we have been waiting for all along.  Think about it, all of those seemingly good things you just listed can have seriously negative, lifelong effects if you let them.  Jail can make you a better crook.  Drug treatment can make you a more cunning drug addict.  And ministry school…  well, that one has the potential to be the most dangerous of the bunch.  You see, true change isn’t about what you can train yourself to look like on the outside, it is about who you are on the inside.”

Thank you, Trey.

Posted in Books | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment


Now Mars Hill Church is setting up a “relief” fund for those who have been effected by the wild fires in Eastern Washington.

Another Sutton Turner plead for money.  So, how much of the fund will actually make it into the hands of those that are in need?  Send in your hundred-dollar bill…  eighty dollars to the victims…  twenty dollars for processing fees?  Or, maybe, through proper word smithing, it will end up for the new building they have in Spokane?  That’s Eastern Washington.  There is no transparency with what they do with the money they receive.  So, how does one know anything that happens with the gifts given?

I am sure we can all find a more reliable “Relief Fund” to give our money to.  One that will not pull a bait and switch and make excuses for why designated donations did not make it to those harmed by the Washington Fires.  Maybe they will just come up with a list of false names, like those who supposedly bought Mark’s book, and allocate it for the further work of “Jesus” by giving to those on staff who had to take a pay cut for lack of tithes?

Such Chutzpah!  Do you really think anyone with half a brain will fall for this type of shenanigans, once again?  Sadly, yes.

I am awake!

PS.  In the words of Rahm Emanuel, “Never let a good crisis go to waste!” (paraphrase)

Posted in Opinion | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

time to relax

Posted in music | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Throwing Stones

muttering heart:

this is for those hit by undeserved boulders

Originally posted on mutteringheart:


The boulder was cast to hurt and kill,

the goodness that was left inside me still.

I should have done as St. Stephen did,

Look to God and in Him hid.

Yet, out of disgust and anger, rightly so,

my defense was to pick up and throw.

Throw back the stones that broke away,

from the boulder that came my way.

I am dead inside now, this I know,

for I can not reach anymore ammo,

from the boulder’s weight of long ago.

Awaken child to the dirt,

Fill the earth with all that hurt.

Succumb to what they are asking you;

to empty your mind and your soul,

and accept that boulder as your headstone.

Now, no more stones can be thrown at me,

for into God’s arms I did flee.

© mutteringheart

View original

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Whatever May Come, Know This…

There is a love so great and true

Given to me and you

That, whatever may come or whatever betide

Know this…

That love conquers all

Those things that seem great

Those things that seem small

So, do not brood over the past

But, get beyond all that aghast

Fill your heart with His love

Then you will rise above.

Above all the things that are fictional in your mind

With love, will not take root and bind

Free yourself, then, from long ago hurts

Fill your heart with His love and let it burst

Pray a little prayer and set it on angels wings

To be carried to those long never seen

“Know this, dear one, whatever may come,

my love for you, will not be undone.”

© mutteringheart

Posted in Poetry | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Of “Dicks” and Men

If my title sounds a bit crude, let me relay that I am only sharing what certain pastors have been heard saying about their own congregants of MHC.

Every time I read something about what has taken place within MHC and the abuse and manipulation that is clearly foisted upon those who attend, it makes me cry.  It makes me cry for knowing how manipulated, controlled, and brainwashed those are from them who still propagate lies and using our Lord, saying that it is “all about Jesus,” when it is clearly all about MHC and its corrupt leaders.  It also makes my spirit so oppressed I want to rise up and speak, or, just dump my thoughts and emotions in the trash, never to visit anything pertaining to MHC again.

Yesterday, there were a couple of stories posted from the “We Love Mars Hill” blog on tumblr, by Phillip C and his wife Michelle.  I know those who attend Mars Hill will consider the stories found on this site not genuine and will pooh-pooh them and think them just having some sort of beef with MH.  Those who think these people are being divisive, or not of Christ, just because they want to release the hurt that has been placed on them by those who claim to be “all about Jesus”.  Those who think Mark Driscoll as one who is so above reproach that they actually idolize him and not Jesus at all.  For if it were Jesus that they truly love, like those of MH say they do, they would know true Love and would be able to discern right from wrong, truth from lies, and fact from fiction.

These are stories of those with PTSD of the worst kind.  These stories are of those who have shown love to others and served them out of a caring heart.  And in return received hate, bitterness, slander, gossip, and shunning.

These stories are of those who know what it means to follow Jesus and His word.  These stories are from those who do love MHC members and that is why they are speaking out as a warning to the corruption therein.

Here is pictured the true attitude of those who think they love Jesus as quoted in Michelle’s article:

“Well I’m forgiven so there is nothing to be done and the fruits of the Spirit are just works based.”  Seriously! these are things that were said by our deacons at MH!

Even if one believes in this manner, it does not justify their actions of cruelty and meanness to those around them, especially those who are supposed to be your “family”.

I can’t even go into the whole “Jesus tricks people” theory of those who are in leadership at this place.  Read their stories, then discern for yourself if it is really the true Jesus that MHC worships and not some man on a stage and his corporation.

Why my title?  Michelle’s experience with a lead pastor:

I asked, “Is calling your sheep a dick a loving way to shepherd people?”  “Absolutely,” responded Pastor J, “in fact it is very accepted in the culture of the elders at Mars Hill.”

Like others have said before; “Unless it has happened to you, it is hard for others to believe it.”


They will know we are Christian by our love?

 “I have yet to see this “love” manifested by any MHC members that I know.  It must be another “secret” they are not allowed to share with all of God’s children.”




Posted in Opinion | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment